well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
