For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
