so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
did i just pee glitter
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
