Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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