Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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