Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.

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(786): View more from Florida

i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.

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(847): View more from Illinois

as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?

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(618): View more from Illinois

When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.

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(636): View more from Missouri

You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.

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(845): View more from New York

He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"

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(+54): View more from

I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see

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