whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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