he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
