i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize