I wish I could punch you in the face.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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