put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
