Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
