Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Shame - the story of my life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
