Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
