I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize