are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
