My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
