i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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