Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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