he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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