YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
