I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize