I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
