i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How external is "for external use only"?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
