I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
