i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize