if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
soo... how was my night?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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