my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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