This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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