guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
