No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
