Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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