Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
