6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So vagazzling was a success
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
