Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
