Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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