You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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