saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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