Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
