I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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