around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
