hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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