Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
