Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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