You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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