Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
