THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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