My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
