Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize