thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
