Your mouth is God's brothel.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize