I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And then he peed in my hair
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