I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Holy sore nipples Batman
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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