Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Yo dont text me then not text me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
