I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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