my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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