My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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