as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize