Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
