Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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