I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
