I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
