You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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