I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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