I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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