Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
