Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Boobs are out for the taking
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
