this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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