all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
