I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
