Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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