I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
