No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Drunk is not a location!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
