so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
