cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
